Good morning! Today, we’re going to be sharing a parenting tip with you that is going to be a… game-changer. If you just learned this one simple thing, I’m sure that your kids ask you for things.
.. all day long. And you know, Tom and I just spent a few days on airplanes and there were lots of kids. And the kids were asking and asking… And the parents were going; you know, no, go away, sit down, be quiet, wear this, don’t wear this.
And yeah, I was like; gosh, if everybody… knew just this one thing, Tom, everything would change. So, if you’re just new to our group, I want to introduce ourselves. We are Bonnie and Thomas Liotta.
Thomas Liotta. We are the creators… of ‘Creating Champions For Life’ for parents. And I met Tom back in 2011. So, on our 10 years … anniversary now. When my kids were completely out of control, they had taken over my home, my office, my bedroom, my bathtub, my TVs, and everything.
And I was kind of locked in my closet … or locked in my bathroom a lot, going; oh my gosh! maybe grandkids are better. When I invited Tom to … Canada, we were doing some personal development workshops, and teaching teams, entrepreneur teams.
.. when I got an opportunity to see him with my kids. And the very first time, my six-year-old son, actually, he might have been seven by then, whatever six or seven, he had already been… diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder and the worst case the psychologist .
.. had ever seen. So, I’m trying to show off and I’m being all nice. And I’m thinking like; oh gosh, bedtime’s coming up. So, like; hey Zach, it’s getting time for bed. It’s close to bedtime.
And right away he went to go into that power struggle, that whining, that two to three hour… screaming fit that he usually has every night. And Tom came around the corner and did this one thing.
‘Validate’. He validated. So, when Zachary was like; I don’t want to go to bed, and I’m like, but it’s time for bed! You came around the corner and said what, Tom? Well, I asked Zach a question.
Would you like to go to bed now with a story, or would you like to go to bed in 10 minutes… without a story? Now, we could teach you all day. That’s not the point of this video. We want to .
.. give you little simple tips in a really short period of time, so, you can watch these videos, go do it with your child all day, come back the next day, watch the next video, and add a plus one, add a plus one.
.. But listen to this. How much, when you’re sharing … something about your life or something that you desire with somebody else? It doesn’t mean that … they’re gonna go by like if you’re talking about a mansion; oh, I’d love to move to this mansion.
It doesn’t mean that the person that you’re telling, needs to go buy you a mansion. But would … you rather hear; no, that’s not possible, you just can’t afford it. Or would you rather hear; wow! that’s awesome, tell me more.
Right! Or do, what Tom did. Which is, are you looking at that … like in a couple years from now, or 10 years from now, or is it just a dream? Doing that is simple … validation. So, why don’t you share Tom, just a couple of instances where this has worked for .
.. you over the time? Tom used to run a martial arts school, an all-day summer camp. He had a … licensed daycare at his martial arts school. And he literally had thousands of kids come to see him .
.. between, say 1994 and 2004. Where he mastered this and saw it work with how many, one out of ten? How many kids would this tip actually work for? Oh, the ratio works one out of 100%. 100% of the .
.. time, wow! So, when we’re standing in winners or whatever, we’re getting ready to get on the plane… and this little kid’s pulling at his mom, and the mom’s going; oh my gosh! just stop it, whatever.
Tell us the difference between doing that, or trying to, say, control what the child’s doing, to simply validating what’s important to them. Right! Well, we’re all spirits and so, that little Timmy, that little genius has a goal.
They have a want, need, or desire. And they’re … coming up to you because you’re their do all, be all, everything. You’re their life force. So… they’re coming up to you, and they’re tugging.
And they have something so powerful to them, it’s like… the whole world. And you just come right over, and you’re right on their parade with a big ‘no’, or you’re pushing your agenda on them without just taking a moment to.
.. breathe and go. What’s the message that’s important to them? What is it that they’re wanting to ask, say, or share? And it’s that critical moment, ‘yes and no’ or rookie mistakes. Don’t ever give, and don’t say no.
Right? How far can you say yes or no, and you validate. Oh, what did you… find? Or what is it that you would like to share? And you pause. Now, this is gonna be … self-control for us big kids, right.
Pause and once again you’re not obligated to say ‘yes’, and definitely with absolute certainty do not say ‘no’. It’s right there in the middle. Well, tell me more about that race car that you saw over on aisle three third shelf left .
.. to the fourth, that’s so important you, got all the details, tell me more. Tell me more, why is… that important to you? Oh, my gosh! I want you to have that too, maybe next time. Say bye-bye.
I used to do that when I first started ‘Learning to Speak Kid’ with Tom. And I had, you know, little two-year-old toddler and we’re out and it’s Christmas time. He wanted everything. And I just learned to just ‘validate’.
I didn’t owe them. I didn’t need to say yes or … no, and be in control. All they were looking for is hear ‘me’. And so, there’s a formula we’re … going to teach you right now. It’s called ‘listen and then love’.
Listen and then love. That’s not, listen and then give, listen and then say no. Just listen and then love, which is; oh my gosh! that’s so important for me too. Maybe next time we can have a plan that you can earn .
.. whatever it is at the store, whatever. It would work so much better if that’s all … that you got from being in this group which is just ‘validate’ when your child wants something, or they’re saying something.
Hear them, love them, and validate what they’re saying. And you know, there are 12 principles to Creating Champions For Life. We’re not going to be able to share them … right now. We have coaching clients that invest a whole year in learning ‘how to speak kid’.
But … gosh, I knew that if parents could just learn to number one validate. And there are a couple … other simple things that we’re gonna share in the next few days. We’re gonna keep adding plus one, we’re gonna validate then what? Right! But if you just get off this video today, and you just .
.. validate all day long, you’ll see a difference. And we would love to hear about it with a comment … or a post below this video. We’d also love to know what’s most important to you? What are things .
.. that you would love us to talk about? Are there any, you know, eyes that you want to be dotted, t’s cross that is in the book ‘Raising, healthy, happy, cooperative kids’ or that you’re learning .
.. as you’re hanging out here. And we’d love to do some live videos to support you… and your family. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, make sure to go… to learntospeakkid.
com and just download the free resources, and you can also schedule a time … to talk directly with Thomas. Because he helps families make a master family plan, incorporating… all these 12 amazing positive and proactive principles that are going to totally transform.
.. your life. Thank you so much for being a part of our group and we’ll look forward to seeing you.