Stop Lecturing & Start Listening – Nouman Ali Khan Study the instances of the Prophet’s life (ﷺ) where a stranger walked in and talked to him with all kind of things. And you don’t find that he’s giving anybody a sermon.
And nobody’s more knowledgeable in deen than the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) So this person came, maybe there’s should be an opportunity to… you know, just give them a whole dars… No! They come, they ask a question, and it’s a very brief conversation.
Its actually, what you’ve learned from it more than anything else, is the Prophet (ﷺ) is a really good listener. The quality of his character is that he’s a really good listener. What happens with us when we become excited about Islam is, we don’t want to listen, we want to make sure everybody else listens.
We don’t want to listen to anybody… Somebody comes and says, “Hey I have a problem.” “Let me sit you down, let me give you a reminder first.” “Let me drop some quotes on you first, then you tell me what your issue is.
” “‘Cause I really like the sound of my voice.” You know. This is a serious problem of character. And it’s pushing people further and further away from deen. Those of you that are having trouble in your family, because of the issue of Islam, because some family members are not as religious as you’d like them to be, or they’re not religious at all, or they’re leaving Islam altogether.
And every time you see them at any gathering, you start quoting things at them, “Allah will say this, you know what the Prophet said, you know what you’re doing is wrong.” Etc. Etc. That’s only pushing them further away.
They’ve just think, “Argh, if I show up again, my mom is just dropped another khutbah on me.” “No, thanks! I’ll go get pizza instead, I’m not coming for dinner.” And you’re just pushing them further away from deen.
All you need to do sometimes is just be a mom. All you need to do sometimes is just be a brother, and just be a sister, and nothing else. It’s okay. Let’s build those bonds first. Let’s have them see you be patient first.
And a lot of times people will test you with ignorants to see if you get upset. And then they’ll justify, “I don’t want to be around you ’cause you get upset.” And you have to know how to play that game and.
.. and be better character. And to be ahead of them. So they don’t take advantage of that opportunity, you have to disarm people with how you and I carry ourselves. That’s what we have to do. This is إِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ (QS Al-Qalam: 4) This is it.
And this is by the way is the most beautiful quality that a believer has. We don’t even have to open our mouth and we become a hujjah. We become a case for people. We don’t have to preach anything. We just, the way we carry ourselves becomes.
.. you know, something different. People see it in us and say, “What is it that make you like that?” “I don’t meet people like that.” “Why do you think of things this way?” And you haven’t quoted anything.
You just carrying yourself with the upright kind of character.