Prioritizing The Relationship Inside The Home – Omar Suleiman There is a man by the name of Sulayman ibn ‘Abdil-Malik (رحمه الله تعالى) who was a khaleefa. And he asked, he summoned one of the tabi’in, Abu Hazim.
And he asked him, it’s a very famous dialog. He said to him, “O Aba Hazim, why is it that we hate death so much?” And yes you’re gonna wonder over the next two minutes, what this has to do with the topic.
Why is it that we hate death so much? Do you know what he said? He said, (لأنكم عمَّرتم الدنياكم وخرَّبتم الآخرةكم) (فتكرهون الخروجَ من العمار إلى الخراب).
He said, “Because you have established yourselves in this world, and you have destroyed everything in the hereafter, so you would hate to transition from that which you have established to that which you have destroyed.
” “You’ve built yourself up in this world, and you have left no currency for the hereafter.” “And so naturally, you would hate to transition from that which is established to that which you’ve done nothing for, from that which is known to that which is unknown.
” What is this have to do with our relationships? As people, we have this cognitive dissonance. Where we will jump, to those parts of our lives, where we feel like we’re successful, and we will tank in those part of our life where we feel like we are failing.
What does that mean? You’re doing well at work, but your family life is going down the drain, your marriage is unraveling. But when you leave your household, people tell you, you’re amazing, you’re successful, you’re great, your boss pat you on the back, your colleagues adore you.
Everyone adores you, you’re a great friend, you’re a great community member. You are wonderful outside of your home, but your marriage is unraveling. Instead of fixing your marriage, you continue to live in the adoration because it’s established, because you’re succeeded.
And you continue to allow your marriage to tank. You don’t fix your relationship at home even though that relationship is more important, than the relationships outside of the home. Because you feel better and more established with those other relationships.
Your parents are older and they’re never… you can never do enough for them. They think that you are horrible. And sometimes, yes, parents can be unfair, but instead of trying to repair that which is with my parents, I am going to allow that to tank, and I am just gonna feel better with all my other relationships.
No relationship outside of your home suffices you from dealing with the relationships inside of your home. No relationship with an outsider, no person who tells you, you’re amazing outside or who makes you feel great on the outside, or no relationship that you’ve established outside, gives you an excuse to destroy the relationship with your spouse.
Allah (سبحان و تعالى) has put priorities with these relationships. Those that are inside your home, your parents, your spouses, your children. If you are messing up there, fix it! Do your best to fix it.
Don’t escape, we have to have congruence. We’ve gotta have this establishment across the board. It can’t just be always an escape from that which we’re failing with. So dear brothers and sisters, the incentive is there.
Allah (سبحان و تعالى) has placed upon us a mighty incentive. Allah (سبحان و تعالى) has placed upon us a responsibility to make things right. A responsibility to deal with those that are inside your homes with a certain ihsan.
A responsibility to not let that ihsan, that excellence, be restricted to the home. But instead, let it be amplified outside of the home. But prioritize your relationships! Prioritize your relationships.